Our Lives...

Don't really know what to blog for the past few days... Feeling nua all over... haha! Just let you people know that I am fine but having a headache at the moment. ^_^" Here's a nice rock song that I find the lyrics meaningful... Lets go think about it...

Thought I didn't write long enough so decided to edit this entry... ^_^ Still having the darn headache... sianz½... Watched The Terminal juz now, quite a good show, 7/10... I think tonite will be the same as usual as I watch my own rerun of Friends again before I turn in... I guess I will see you guys after my ITP during the meeting bahz... See you guys when I see you then... ^_^"

ORiN outagez...

Our Lives - The Calling

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Of a better life
In this world
Divided by fear
We've gotta believe that
There's a reason we're here
Yeah, there's a reason we're here

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

See the truth all around
Our faith can be broken
And our hands can be bound
But open our hearts and fill up the emptiness
With nothing to stop us
Is it not worth the risk?
Yeah, is it not worth the risk?

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

We can't go on
Thinking it's wrong
To speak our minds
I've gotta let out what's inside

Is it love tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Can we get it right?
Yeah, well can we get it right?

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives
Even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Because these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

Need For Speed...

Today took off from work to attend dental appointment which I was late so have to re-schedule. I went cycling to Sembawang again. This time more confident so took to the road more and really can feel my urge to feel the wind brushing against my face... Then cycled to weiLun's house to settle his computer woes. After that went to ka jiao jYing and xueFeng then found youWei there as well then xiangMing came not shortly after... Then bought durian rolls for xueFeng and jYing de but xueFeng can't eat heaty stuff so I kept hers for my sis loh. ^_^" Then went to eat at food court with jYing, youWei and xiangMing loh... jYing keep laughing... Don't bother, she's quite mad as usual... We were talking about chicken got toxic inside... haha! Heck carez... Don't know why jYing will care about that either since she's so heckcare about her health. -_-" But anyway, she got a piece of chicken stuck in her teeth... hahaha! Not very obvious but she like veri irritated by that lidat... hahaha! Don't know why she just keep laughing... -_-"

Anyway, rot until 4pm then cycle back, took to the road most of the time as I try to crack my record. Not bad, made it in 20+min when I usually take like 30min to enjoy scenary. ^_^" Somehow, thinking of adding modification to my bike to add that plate behind to prevent myself from getting muddy when I chiong through pools of mud or water loh... Then can add those metal plates on top then can take passenger liao le mah... At least better than having pple sit uncomfortably in front of me... Idea wor... Long time since I actually cycle so often liao le... I am thinking of cycling to YCK the next time round... The route seem pretty straight leh... Then can go the reservoir too... ^_^"

我的错

飞机已离开机场
你选择了前往你的方向
不再迷惘
忘了我们爱的过往
忘了我给你的伤
学会坚强

从前的我不懂你牺牲多大
为我失去朋友不讲
还放弃了所有梦想
觉得没怎样
不会将心比心去想
让你慢慢慢慢失去了希望

能不能够再给我机会好好的爱你
我会仔细的聆听
你对我说的一言一语
我会学会去控制脾气不让你伤心
对你好好的去珍惜
请你相信我的心还是爱你

我想再重来一次
回到过去弥补你的伤
没那种事
怎么做才能够停止
后悔竟伤你如此
不再放肆

为何总到失去才懂的难过
当你在我身边的时候
总是为我默默守候
都是为我的错
错过这难得的拥有
就让你爱我的心慢慢溜走

能不能够再给我机会好好的爱你
我会仔细的聆听
你对我说的一言一语
我会学会去控制脾气不让你伤心
对你好好的去珍惜
请你相信我的心还是爱你

ORiNz

Chilling Day... Chilled me right to my bone...

Yesterday went back to the world with daerie in it... Of course I am getting more used to not having her around liao le. Yesterday was work, went home and that's it... I realised that I am pretty broke liao le... Gotta rush out design for Lester if I want to get my pay. I got a potential $180 cheque waiting to be collected once I cleared my work. ^_^"

Today's quite a bad day though morning was grey the way I liked it, cooling and breezy too... Then lydia smsed about the FYP grouping thingy. Then sent some smses and made some calls after which I feel like lydia and I are being treated like idiots and being played around. We asked for replies then all refer us to dominic who only tell me that there might not be a place for me in the group. payWen totally disappointed us... Keep leading us to think we are going to be on the same group so I never went about to think about the forming of group. In the end, lydia and I decided both oso not fight for the last place. If I need to form a formidable group before the project gets underway, I can always do it. I got out all my contacts, sent some smses, called munCheng and now almost confirm that we are grouping with randy, alvin, ken and alan. They are from my yr2 2nd sem class. Don't know them well but no harm making more friends mah... I know that randy and alvin got good programming skills. ken oso quite good, only alan a bit clown lidat... hahaha! I think we got no problem getting things done. I can compile reports as usual, lydia can settle the presentations, alvin i think got some design background, so can do the design of the presentation. This is quite strong group if you ask me provided we all don't slack too much or do last min work... ^_^"

daerie: tml 1st paper liao le wor... better cram more stuff into your head ar... Good Luckie! nowadays weather not good so walking muz kan lu ar, don't hurt your knee again wor... *hugz*
dearie xiaoZhen, dearie jYing & petpet xueFeng: molgene paper in 2 days wor... don't study till sick wor... 3 more papers after that wor...

xiaoZhen: If I managed to strike 4D, I will get a cheap fone for u... haha *wink*
benNiu: Juz take care of yourself loh... like I haven't say that enough... ^_^"
eunice: You never tell me when you having your papers but juz take carez loh... Good luckie with your papers...
xueFeng: it will be alright de lah though I don't think you should go see chinese doc... 天会有放晴的那天... *hugz*

Raindrops Falling On My Head...

The Sat entry bascially never mention anything on my day so this entry will cover both yesterday and Sat as well. Sat was the first LTC meeting. Kena woke up by jYing's sms at 6.22am! Pengz... hahaha! But partly my fault coz I smsed her very late the previous night. Morning didn't meet xiaoZhen coz want to sleep in a bit. 6.22am leh... I slept at about 2+am the night before wor... Then replying the sms with my eyes closed... haha! Then decided to meet xueFeng loh then asked jYing if she want to share with me buy flowers for her since she so no mood lidat... So woke up and get ready loh... I kept on yawning for the rest of the day...

Want to find orange roses but seem like all orange roses kena grabbed liao le... Then those pale orange roses like not very appealing to me. The pink ones keep grabbing my attention then decided to get a bunch with the budding roses... Full bloom roses actually not as beautiful to me coz somehow lack that feeling of innocence... So bought the pink ones loh... xueFeng so easy to surprise de wor... Always hide the flowers behind me then bring out when she least expected it. hahaha! Her stunned face veri funny de wor... hahaha! Then when the train leaving Bukit Batok then xueFeng received sms from youWei, asking if we guys going sch for meeting anot... hahaha! We both pengz loh... We already reaching liao he still at Marsiling... Camp chief late for meeting... haha!

I thought we were late by 10min lidat loh then end up is no one on time or early. Earliest is xiaoZhen who came just after we reached SAC foyer bahz... Then oso surprise her with a samosa which I bought coz think she sure will hungry de... ^_^" Then andrea and eunice arrive then move to FC3 to eat loh... I got da bao bee hoon from home coz mama already bought breakfast liao le so bring sch eat loh... Then everyone slowly tickled in and ate brunch... Then all move to library for meeting... Both my assistants oso not here... hahaha! jYing got work, yuLun hopeless, still sleeping in bed... haha! Since first meeting nothing much so just let take down the important stuff in my new notebook loh. Not that new actually, bought it in sec4 coz I find the cover nice but now then decided to use it... -_-"

After meeting went to collect xiaoZhen's bag and decided to go airport to slack while they study... haha! Meanwhile I can do my own stuff oso mah... Coffeebean was crowded, then we kena chased outta Mac by the manager... *toot* him loh... Then loiter around a lot then finally settled down at the viewing gallery but the lights quite dim... haha! As the sun set, become quite dark loh but made some progress in my business plan though. I think zhiCheng the worst lah, keep disturbing lester and yuHong... hahaha! yuHong irritated until he tell zhiCheng don't disturb him all that loh... It looked so funny from our view... haha! Then we went back Yishun on 858 then send xueFeng to MRT station then we went to northpoint to eat... OMG! That vegetarian chicken rice really damn big portion loh... I asked to add rice then like become a mountain of rice... Both xiaoZhen and me eat until we peng... Both oso cannot finish... haha! Then went Popular walk some of the dinner away then bought those string fasteners to bind my papers together and a new planner. I wonder how long it will take for me to start using it... haha!
Then came the best part when we walked home in the rain... shiok ar!! Though the rain keep getting heavier as we walk... Then we start humming that song 'Raindrops' falling on my head...' hahaha! I love walking in the rain de loh... haha! Can cool the dense dense brain so I can think better... Reached home did not bath immediately, just took off my clothes and sat down in front of my computer to dry off... haha! Hope don't get sick from that...

Sunday I was supposed to go fix my cousin's computer... Then suddenly decided to cycle to his house instead of taking bus or train... My parents at first objected to that idea coz it was raining heavily then I waited for the rain to stop loh... Then I juz stubbornly say even if give me money to take cab, I oso going to save that 5 bucks and take bike de... haha! Then pumped my wheels then realised my dumb sis lent the bike to her fren that time and now my rear wheel have the pump head screw missing... TMD... Then went xiaoZhen's fav mama shop there to pop by and visit her and jYing studying for their examz then I raced off liao le... I really need that ride to somewhere far far bahz... Need that time alone doing something... The scenary halfway between Yishun and Sembawang was damn nice! Too bad I forgot to bring digital camera if not can take a pic... It was a cooling ride, kinda bring me back to nature a bit more... I juz love racing down the pavements beside the grasslands and forested areas...

After fixing his computer, weiLun cooked me instant noodles wor... haha! That's the first time in the 18 yrs I know him loh... hahaha! It's dry noodles with eggs. Shiok! The eggs are the way I like them to be cooked too... haha! Family trait? haha... Then after that cycle back to find xiaoZhen and jYing... jYing's face black black de, think her mood not good. Don't need to ask her why, she will tell if she wants to... ^_^" Learned that from daerie de... People will tell you automatically when they feel like it de... Then xiaoZhen showed off her drawing and art skills by drawing us something on a napkin each. I got 2 coz my first one was kinda screwed up... The second oso not very good... hahaha! Pian xin lah... jYing's was much nicer than mine leh but thanks anyway... I left them on my study desk before I went out today... haha!

Then went pei the both of them to eat loh... Then send jYing to MRT and go unlock my bike before sending xiaoZhen to her block loh... Then I cycled onto the road back home loh... Took a round about route so can cycle a bit more...

This week everyone will be busy preparing for their exams so jia you wor...

daerie: exams in 2 days le wor... muz jia you wor... good luckie...

dearies: u guys too... 4 papers wor... study hard and take carez of your health ar especially jYing ar... Stop thinking that you can be Iron man...

petpet: you dont worry so much lah... everything will be alright, everything will be okay de...

我的消失不是想离开而是没有必要让人知道我在默默地守着...

That's On My Mind...

Had been unknowingly and subconsciously humming this David Tao song for a few weeks liao le then realised today that the title of the song is 普通朋友... Since I not completely sure of the lyrics, just now went to look for it. Looked through once and sianz½... Memories came back for a while and my sub conscious mind is indeed power to pick this song of all songs... I think even now the lyrics are describing my feelings word for word... Haiz...

I am getting better but maybe she's just locked away deep inside my heart, at the back of my brain...

普通朋友 - 陶吉吉

等待　我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问　这是爱

我猜　你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊　多无奈

我愿意改变 What can I do...
重新再来一遍 Just give me chance
我无法只是普通朋友　感情已那么深
叫我怎么能放手

但你说 I only wanna be your friend 做个朋友
我在你心中只是 Just a friend 不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白　但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I 我不能只是 Be your friend　I just can't be your friend
No, no, no, 我不能只是做你的朋友　不能只是做普通朋友

Catching Up...

Yesterday night never blogged coz reached home late and a bit lazy to blog... Caught up with jYing last night quite a bit though crapping most of the time, I think... haha! Went over RockyMaster to find that sick cow and see how is she. Then shun bian pass her 2 Panadol Extra loh... hahaha! Surprised hor? 2 panadols as present... haha!

Coz at first dunno how to walk to RockyMaster then asked eunice then she called to ask if want to meet up anot. Then okay loh, decided to meet her and junJie at RockyMaster loh... Then jYing asked me to sit on a couch there, say see the traffic very comfy de... haha! Ordered mango frost and mango pudding... Shiok! Then eunice they all came loh... Tried calling xueFeng but she neber pick up call, kanasai... haha! Then we chit chat till 9+pm then eunice and junJie left loh... They did care about me bahz, meet up just to see if I am okay anot... Anyway, we had the mushroom delight, not bad but jYing put too much cheese and eunice keep stealing mushrooms... haha! My mushrooms dropped then she kio. pengz... I decided to do some of my stuff and read a bit... Just rot on that couch loh... After a while decided to wait for that sick cow to knock off loh... hahaha!

Her supervisor guessed that I would wait for her to knock off wor... Don't know he got win money anot... hahaha! Then say I like her bf lidat... haha! Nowadays I affectionate until like bf to many pple izzit? pengz... That day huiZhen's frenz oso thought i am her bf... haha! Then we waited for the supervisor to close shop then go off loh... jYing scare he lonely mah... hahaha! We went off liao then I realised her workplace there at night so messy de... So many ah guas, transvestites and pimps... *toot* Next time should fetch her more often liao... Then we chit chatted until Admiralty loh... I sent her home coz past midnight liao le. Along the way, talked about her problems, my problems and stuff lidat loh... Though she still die die don't want say some of her stuff... haha!

Now then I know there's train service to AMK up till 12.40am for Admiralty wor... Caught up with jYing quite a bit, maybe will catch up more until LTC is over bahz... As for the rest, don't forget to update me once in a while too... *wink* Both eunice and jYing commented that my fingers look better now. The nails are at their longest ever wor... I didn't put plasters today so hope I won't go disturb them... ^_^"

jYing: I li hai bah, didn't breathe out a word about your stuff in my blog entry wor... haha! Your problems wait till after exams then go settle bahz. Meanwhile just stay alive and healthy loh...

eunice: Thanks for the concern wor... Wasted so much of your time to come meet me at Orchard... haha!

theRest: You guys take carez lah... Anything just 随 心 所 欲...

我的消失不是想离开而是没有必要让人知道我在默默地守着...

ORiN

Slacker...

daJie finally alright liao le but thinking of her wound oso freak me out loh. Now can finally understand the pain she had to slash herself that many times. Hope both of them don't do that ever again... It's god damn ke pa...

Chatted a while with her after getting permission from jYing coz was on the fone with her talking about something. Then told her a bit this and that loh... Just want to say I will be back before you know it de lah... haha! Now suddenly no mood coz I toppled my coffee on my table... Damn messy and sianz½... Now my table smell like coffee loh...

Thinking of going backpacking somewhere... Phuket seems a good destination, Perth even nicer but is damn expensive... Phuket now budget airline only 30 bucks... Can consider wor... Think nothing much liao le loh... Looking forward to LTC preparations and end of my ITP...

我的消失不是想离开而是没有必要让人知道我在默默地守着...

ORiNz

She Will Be Loved...

It's been a while liao le bahz... Trying to move on with life with jYing's help... I couldn't even last a few hours... hahaha! Was going to send sms to jYing then send to her... Pengz... D and J so far away I oso can send wrongly... ku ku lah...

Long time since I actually chatted about jYing's stuff liao le so yesterday caught up a bit with her. Maybe will catch up more when I can catch her alone again bahz... Maybe another round of sitting on the ledge, do nothing and try to sing songs? hahaha! Quite a lot happened to her for the past few months but lidat loh... She don't talk about her stuff all that much de... When she did usually a bit overwhelming but saying it out seem better bahz... hahaha!

Of my dearies, she took the most grumbling from me... Maybe coz she just sit there blur blur listen and make ben ben comments so usually things go in and straight away come out. haha! xiaoZhen is always go home with her so got time alone with her to chit chat de... eunice is sometimes definitely will be alone or juz call her chit chat... jYing leh? Weird nutcase... hahaha! She don't say anything so we don't know loh... Always end up crying in the dark, by herself until she unloads all that stuff to her best fren... ^_^"

我的消失不是想离开而是没有必要让人知道我在默默地守着...

jYing: Your secrets will be safe with me de lah and thanks for reminding me... I will try hard de... I didn't mention a word or hint about that thingy wor... hahaha! Catch you again sometime...

myDecision...

Made a decision just now... I won't say what it is, maybe will tell jingYing about it bahz... She's more skilled about this type of things but don't know telling her my stuff will add on to her load anot. She's like so fragile loh... It's my own challenge, my own hill, my own decision, I let go so I can only watch at the side now... I am not in the picture anymore so time to fade out too bahz... Seriously don't want to lose control and do some stupid stunts that will taint the peace and happiness... ^_^"

Nothing more to add le, just that I made the decision to fade into the background... I shouldn't be trying show that I am still blah blah blah, time to make things easy for everyone liao le...

12 Feb - Cedar Tree (Confidence)
Of rare beauty, know how to adapt, like luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tend to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, like to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions...

Return Of The Unicorn...

Before I talk about the few days that I am been away, I think I will put the personal messages first...

xiaoZhen +> Take carez of your coughing wor. You are xiaoZhen, not xiaoDingDang, you will still fall sick de and exams coming liao le wor. So see you when I see you loh... haha!

jingYing +> Sorry for telling andrea & eunice that mingShu said 'jingYing is a good girl.' Just try not to freak out, okie? You ar, take carez of yourself oso ar... Don't wind blow cannot find you liao wor... Didn't really know what to say when you asked about the 'jingYing understand me best' I talked about in the last entry coz it's in the day bahz... Don't worry about the upcoming Logistics stuff oso, that's what I am there for... As the daerie's stuff, bear with me a little longer lah... ^_^"

eunice +> Thanks for juz being there but nowadays have to snatch with junJie for time with you alone... haha! You take carez and stay happy wor...

daerie +> I know you cared, will try to disturb my fingers less de... Take good carez of your knees lah... Don't vexed about what he says lah, you know he does love you can liao le mah... If too fan, can always find me if you need to fa xie or need silence de... When I finish the book then let u know bahz... *hugz*

eggie +> New blog taken noted... Drop by often wor... Got time we go out catch up again.

the rest +> Juz take carez wor... End of year liao le, weather turning 'bad' for you guyz though I like rain. haha!

Okay... Now for the return of the unicorn liao le... Went for Connection Camp on Friday after taking half day off to go home pack and get ready for the camp. xiaoZhen came over at 2.30+pm to meet me then we went Northpoint walk walk then went Cold Storage. Bought that sunflower for xueFeng which seriously damage our ears... ^_^"

We reached Sembawang then I hid the flower behind me. She didn't notice at all loh then when she turned away I took it out and held it in front of her. When she turned back then she was like, 'Arghhhh! Sunflower... Arghhhh!'... Pengz... That begins a trip of 'Arghing' from Sembawang to Dover. hahaha!

First night of the camp quite sianz sianz de coz I not able to take any pics except for the group pics and chit chat here and there. Then went for Battle Royale preparation, I was the head GP for zone 4 so need to go place the life-rings... Sianz½ siaz... Need to go into the w4-5 tunnel... So na bei loh... My zone got 4 subzones, the most of all but I got only 3 people in my group, weiPing and clement. I decided to camp at admin block there instead of patrolling coz they will come from library first before going anywhere in my zone mah... Then library there I left a clue that lure them out to the open space... hahaha!

After that I kinda sianz sianz liao le, so juz rot against the pillar and rest loh... Then caught daerie's group on one occasion but think kinda down so juz catch liao then walked back to the pillar... The game lasted till dunno what time, I think it was 3am then walked back SAC then went back my zone4 alone to join weiPing and clement to retrieve the untaken life-rings. The walk to find them was so diaoz loh... Like walking nightwalk lidat and most of my subzones are the areas that always included in nightwalk de... sianz½...

After that debrief, bathed then went bunk sleep liao coz really tired recently, don't sleep sure buay tahan de... Second day was woke up by xiaoZhen and jingYing coz got Mystery Game so need photographer there. Tiring game for GPs wor... Jump and jump until legs tired... hahaha! Then after that went T1135 with yuLun to rest... hahaha! Then kena found by jingYing to ask us to go for Evolve Mortals. Then just before the game starts, daerie suddenly KOed so sent jingYing and eunice see she okay anot... Then she cannot walk anymore loh... aiJia mummy appeared around that time with yongJun. They patched liao le... hahaha! Anyway, went to talk with mummy on the ledge outside SAC. Told her about the past three weeks, dont blame me... That's basically what makes to rumble on and on nowadays... Then finally buay tahan then went over see how daerie is doing loh... Then they decided to call cab then zhenHui carry her to FC5 foyer... Then mummy asked me something... Haiz... Nothing escapes from her eyes bahz... haha! Anyway, packed them off to Clementi then went around take videos and pics. hahaha! Then got 1 group veri smart, they all think of strategy to make use of our loophole to earn $95k... hahaha! youWei had to issue them a cheque loh... I think these games are better than others coz they remind us of the childhood games I used to played. We make our own money, set up stores and blah blah blah... I always call that game 'neighbourhood'. hahaha!

Then daerie came back then sit at the 'bank' there so talked to her a bit loh... jingYing said I basically flipped out and like running around mad mad de... hahaha! Too rash le bahz, I think... Then helped daerie into SAC sit then eunice helped her put on the plasters... Then gave her the 'letter/book' she was faning me about at the 'bank' there... Then she read liao returned it back to me and asked me to finish it. I think it is going to be one hell of a letter... haha! Then Jacques took over as I had to go up filmed the kukus of the Msytery Game for dinner... hahaha! After a while, already no mood so went SAC see if she's there but not then since her group is at Mystery Game so asked Jacques to go check on her loh... Went FC5 after a while, then juz sit down and watch her sleep when Jacques went get something loh... Started to plaster a few of my fingers coz like i peel somemore then going to bleed liao then she woke up say me then plastered all of my fingers... -_-" Maybe it's for my own good bahz... The Battle of Lights settled her down on the bench then she lay down on my lap loh. Don't want to disturb her resting and having her peace so just keep quiet look here and there loh. ^_^" Then zhiCheng wanted me to go down. I said I won't leave her up there alone de mah so helped her down loh... Then the yr1s all bian tai de, play until siao lidat... use face block fire... omg! Then thatjunJie's cousin come snatch my torch then hai me kena the wax on my shoulder... They are mad! Then disperse everyone to go wash up a bit then go disco nite... Carried her up then help her up to the bunk loh... Then juz daze around then drag drag then I went down for the disco nite... hahaha!

I went down not long then Sel singing a song for the slow dance liao le... hahaha! Then after a while I jumped it to stom with them... hahaha! Then danced a slow dance with xiaoZhen... hahaha! Keep trying to move away from those people banging here and there... Then stom somemore... hahaha! I loved that Grasshoppers' 'Ai Bu Pa' best lah... Totally high siaz... hahaha! Lame there with jiaWei and xiangMing... hahaha! Then another slow dance then danced with gracie loh then suddenly all went sit at the side left the two of us there... hahaha! Then heck lah... I juz continue swaying loh... Then zhiCheng must disturb and hook gracie's hands around my neck then lidat loh... haha! Then sway and sway until the song is over loh... I don't even know the song name... hahaha! Anyway, stom somemore until I basically sleeping while dancing then rest a while then go open T1135 with xiaoZhen and jingYing. Went bunk sleep loh then woke up then kena draw again... After bathing the noticed that I kena nail polish on 2 fingers... hahaha! Sianz½...

After breakfast then take pics then stripped 1-2 guys from each group then debriefings x2. Kena bombed a bit this time but I think I deserved it bahz. The camp I did lose my professionalism on a few occasions. Then went home with the Northlanders loh... All of us are super tired but had a bit of small talk with xueFeng on the train then finally alighted at Yishun with xiaoZhen then went eat... Reached home found one hammie dead... sianz... The strench almost made me vomit...

Used my computer then bathed then replied some emails. Decided to take short nap and woked up at 10pm... Did my freelance a bit until I sianz then chatted online for a while and do my freelance at the same time but can't finish so watched 2-3 eps of Friends before I slept at 3+am lidat... Today feeling kinda tired then juz now kena say by jingYing about the usual thing again... I told her to give me time, think she will understand de bahz... It takes time to forget de mah...

I know I missed out some parts but I prefer not to talk about them... Maybe next time bahz...

累了... 病了...

Feeling cold and feverish right now... My nose inside still dry dry de... Think going to get a 'dry' flu bahz... Sianz½... Camp coming wor, cannot sick... Think later go pantry to pop pandol then go home nap a bit before I start writing... A lot to write but they are rushing to me bit by bit... Need to organize my thoughts if not I will be jumping here and there... Haiz... Enough said... I will try to rest enough before the camp...

ORiN outagez...

我累了...

Yah... This love has finally taken its toll on me... Both physically and mentally drained out liao le... My head is so dense, my heart is so heavy... Haiz... Think I will rest earlier tonight liao le... Nostrils very dry inside, my usual thingy when I getting too heaty or going to have throat infection. I think one night of fitful sleep will be enough liao le... Then tml can rush through the nite for the 'letter'. Today's mood is not good, perhaps a day of my periodical mood swings when I got a bit strained mentally... I broke my keychain totally when trying to open the door thenbang both my tables... Going to blast my sis the next time she try to move my armchair away. This is my room! So fucking stop moving my things around!

Feel like talking to jingYing during the camp when I have the time... I think only she ben ben and sha gua enough to understand me... And perhaps she can give me the peace I need so bloody badly... Somebody gave me that calm and peace!!! Fuck it! Haiz...

我累了... Don't know how long I can still hang in there... Haiz... 等待放晴的那天 也许我会比较好一点...

ORiN outagez...

Roses of Blue...

Just came out from my bath... Refreshing indeed... Feeling kinda full after today's dinner which I had with xiaoZhen at Northpoint but somehow dunno why my nose getting kinda runny. Think my lack of sleep and long hours in air-con rooms giving me a flu soon... Sianz½ Bought several stalks of roses for them today, five stalks to be exact... Gave a stalk each to daerie, xiaoZhen, jingYing, eunice and xueFeng... Hope they like it bahz... I never knew roses actually do carry a flowery smell...

Didn't so much as gazed at daerie when passing her the rose then quickly went off for my briefing coz her bf is there. Think it's time to lock up my heart again and move on faster... Daerie's very xin fu with Jasper so that's enough liao le. jingYing even asked me to change the songs in my CD...

I think that's all for tonite le bahz... Nothing special...

xiaoZhen: Study hard wor and don't vandalize the tables so much leh... Drawing is at least better than writing notes on them... haha!

jingYing: You are right, you always are and you always know almost exactly how I felt... Maybe that's the pain in your heart by then. It won't heal completely but will leave a niggling pain in its wake... Now I can understand how you felt, I think... Anything can come to me, I will be there like you were there for me... Going to change the songs after the camp, okie?

eunice: I know there's a caring you behind that joking and fake mask of yours. Thanks for caring and joking around with me...

xueFeng: I know you will support me in whatever I do but I don't know how long I can substain this unconditional love of mine... It might look and sound wei da or chi qing but in fact, it's just plain refusal to move forward... Maybe someday I will wake up...

daerie: Never meant to unsettle you or whatever. Just stay cheerful, happy and being yourself... Don't do anything that hurt yourself again... Do that for me if I mean anything to you... 默默地守着你...

eggie & the rest: Just take carez and know that ORiN, the bottomless pit of sorrow, grieve and pain is still there for you no matter how much you try to fill me up...

ORiN outagez... I think I am falling sick finally? Haiz...

Changed!

Think maybe after the recent incidents, my character finally takes a small turn around liao le... For good or for bad, I think I quite like the me of now... That's why suddenly thought of what Chunk always accused us of being 'Changed!' for whatever stuff. When he got a new gf and don't want to go out with us that often, we accused him of being 'Changed!'. When Newbie changed target again, we did that as well. Even me with I got more involved with CSCC stuff oso kena accused of being 'Changed!' but... I think this time round really 'Changed!'...

Somehow, I beginning to have some success in biting my fingernails and oso biting/peeling off the skin around my nails. My nails are at their longest ever point since I came into this world. hahaha! All that with the help of a few plasters. I know... They look dirty and you guys will start complaining about that... I am changing them like every 2-3 days liao le... Hopefully I will resist till all my skin grow back and heal. Determination siaz... I even bought that roll of plasters wor...

Maybe all these are thanks for that somebody who I think you are tired of me mentioning liao le... Think next step will be to train up my body but... Enough of good news liao le... I missed the deadline for my registration of my medical for NS so now have to go on an appointment date and time set by the CMPB... Sianzation... So much happened until I forget the deadline... hahaha! GG!

Think today going to do my hair liao le... So tml will surprise u guys a bit bahz... I wonder how it will turn out... haha! *pray* Hopefully the new image will be nice and refreshing for me bahz...

ORiN outagez...

Aquarius...

Horoscope for 10 Oct...
'You might need to take care to communicate very clearly, Francis. Your romantic partner might have an opposite view about something. Although you love this person, you could disagree with them. Try to be respectful of each other instead of being manipulative. Practice a form of unconditional love. You can "agree to disagree." But make it clear that you still respect your partner, even if you can't compromise on this issue.'

Actually, I also don't understand what the horoscope is trying to say leh... hahaha! Last night was tired so did not start on the letter or book but today will start on it at night... Nothing important to add about yesterday except that I watched Mean Girls on my computer and that daerie slashed herself the day we broke up. That sha gua really don't make any effort to keep promises wor. Not all promises are meant to be broken de loh. I think I will see you guys on Tue after school when I go sch for the camp briefing for helpers.

jingYing, xueFeng & daerie: You guys know what I am coming with on Tue but don't let eunice and xiaoZhen know... At least give them a small small surprise... haha!

xiaoZhen & eunice: Don't try to find out what I am up to, okay? Juz be there when I go club on Tue... hehe!

eggie: This time sure neber miss you out wor... Please take carez wor... Don't too stress wor, your body too small to take too much beating... I will catch up with you when I see you again...

lydia: I know that you are alive lah... We will catch up when I see you loh...

dajie: Take carez wor... Confirm liao then we go get our striking hair colours. hahaha!

Backie to Nomality

hahaha! I don't even know if there's the word 'normality' but come on, this is my realm leh. So I will use my brand of english and singlish without the thy, thee and thou. I know you guys will get my meaning lah... Was missing daerie yesterday then reached home chatted with her online for a in few hours loh. Now I know why she said in one of her sms that she is not the Eunice I so called once loved... I think I unknowingly compared her and Eunice together and I made the comment that I think both of you guys are a similar in some ways. I think that made her a bit dislike Eunice but not really my fault mah... Then kena bombarded by daerie loh... hahaha! But I think it's all okay liao le lah... Eunice was never a major crush mah... I still prefer my daerie over her. haha!

Yesterday chatted with Eggie WanYi when I was at work... She accused me of being bo xim coz I never read her blog often then say I give other people specific messages but never leave her any. Then daerie oso accuse me bo xim. Oh manz... Everyone accusing me to for being bo xim... *toot* I were all that bad lah... I tried to include those who were there for me but I think it's pretty hard to keep track who are the ones having the URL to this place. When I finally got the time to settle down for my own things, I think I will get down to doing that security thingy that I wanted to implement.

About that chat last night, I am fine with the way things are now but I most prob won't fang xia bah. It's not a matter of whether I can or not but rather that I prefer to hold on to it. It's quite silly but XueFeng was right, I can't expect anything in return and I think I can do that quite well. Don't laugh at my foolishness because I think she's worth that much...

Now I have to give her something to read during the camp, I think I will continue that tonite if I remember but don't think it will be 18 pages front and back. It looks more likely to be 180+ pages all-front. It was something I bought and received as a gift in sec 3and meant to give to a crush but decided that she's probably not the one to give so I kept it anyway. Tore out the front pages to start anew. Seems like I have to use all my creativity is making it nice... That means I have to complete that idea of birthday present for her liao... I got a demanding daerie, 3 almost as equal demanding dearies and oso a demanding Eggie. ^_^"

I think she might be surprised how good my memory really is but I think the present will be kinda big oso and I know I still owe my dearies blue roses. haha!

ORiN outage...

Wah... So tired...

That's how I am feeling this couple of days bahz. Feeling the fatigue of not resting well for the weekend... Was typing an email just moments ago before something ZhiHao always used as his irc quit message popped up in my mind.

'I choose to love you in slience... Because in silence, there's no rejection... In silence, nobody own you but me...'

It is something lidat but not entirely sure... I only remember bits and pieces of it. It was back in yr1 when he used that all the time until he got back with Winnie. Not feeling all that great this morning coz read daerie's bloggie then maybe bei her mood qian zhe zou loh... I know that's very dumb but can't blame me... ^_^" Just now took out the card from xiaozhen that she hastily created last week when I went to find her... 星星 月亮 太阳 彩虹...

Last night discussed about a 3rd Home sleepover after the exams. Asked xiaozhen, jingying, xuefeng, eunice and zhicheng... Think it will be fun watching anime, movies and going walk walk and explore Yishun. Can go the racetrack, the playground and also Upper Seletar reservoir but damn it loh, cannot go the bball court opposite to see stars liao coz they doing don't know what construction there. Sianz... The favourite star gazing place in my town... It's so nice to just lay down there and look up at the stars at night loh... ^_^"

My room is oso not bad but depends de leh... Sometimes when sky is clear then can see lotsa... I remember that time can see the big red Mars from my bedroom loh... Red mars and full moon equals power loh! Haiz... I think I missing daerie again... sianz½... Da jie sure will 'faint' if I mention that to her again... hahaha!

Hope you guys are happy and stay cheerful... Don't too stressed and please take carez...

ORiN outz

Hmm...

I guess I just can't stop disturbing my fingers... I am a person without much determination in weeding out habits especially bad ones. haha! It's like I am bleeding every fucking day loh... I think that calls for all the plasters again... This time I will change dressing every 2-3 days de... ^_^"

Yesterday went back sch after work to help Eunice do her project but by the time i reached, she kena locked out of her computer liao so cannot use liao le loh... I asked HuiZheng to wait for me earlier so went her with her loh. Then we go have our dinner at Northpoint then walk walk around then went home liao. That xiaozhen ar, starting to cough liao le so better take carez ar. Exams is coming liao le loh...

Reached home play a bit of games, send a few emails to my clients then watched New Police Story on my computer. ^_^" The show was quite good, been some time since I saw Jackie Chan in action liao le... After that chatted with da jie on MSN till quite late. Then always almost cannot get up, I think it was due to a weird dream so I juz stop the album and continue to see the ending but in the end still didn't know the ending.

Chatted with LiangYue during work then know she oso got braces liao le... hahaha! I wonder how she look like now. Crapped a bit, talked about sec sch frenz a bit loh... She made an interesting point when we were chatting, saying how come everyone around her is breaking up. I was like *toot* but quite true oso. -_-" Then today decided to go dye hair with da jie. Either before camp or end of this month... I dying to get blueish tint on my hair... hahaha! I think it will look rather nice. ^_^"

I hope everyone is fine coz xiaozhen got cough, jingying was sick today then xuefeng got that lump. Please lah, everyone. Take carez wor... Exams coming, mai siao siao leh...

/ORiN

myLove...

I got this on my email but don't know who send me de. No return mail address and no subject either but it's meaningful... I call it myLove... ^_^" Thanks to whoever who sent me this email. Hope you guys like my new template, it's blue! hahaha!

myLove...

Don't turn your back to love when it's
already in front of you. Don't drive it away
from you, because if you do, someday, you'll
think again, why you let love flew when it was
there next to you...

In Love, think things first over if you're
sure about how you feel. Don't fall too hard not
knowing where you will stand, 'coz it will hurt
real bad if things don't go the way you want
them to be...

It's an irony to know that it takes hours for
someone to have guts to say "hi" to the one he
likes, days to admire, weeks to miss the
person, months to love, but just a blink of an eye to
say goodbye...

Go for the person who loves you. It is not
wrong to love someone who belongs to
someone else, but it is much better to love
someone who could also love you in return...

Love isn't something we hold, it is something
we set free. It's not something we just do, but
it's something we don't imagine to be. Lastly,
it's not something we choose, it chooses us...

The scariest thing about falling in love is
getting hurt. The scariest thing about getting
hurt is not being able to love again. The
scariest thing about not loving again is being
alone forever...

When you follow your heart, worry not where
it will lead you, for your heart knows the way.
And if you do get lost or reach a dead end, use
your head to lead you back home...

When you truly care for someone, you don't
look for faults, you don't look for answers, you
don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight for
the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you
overlook excuses...

It's better to lose your pride to the one you
love, than lose your loved one to your useless
pride...

Love is not "it's your fault" but "i'm sorry",
not "where are you?" but "i'm here",
not "how could you?", but "i understand",
not "i wish you were here" but "i'm thankful you are"...

The beginning of love is to let those we
love be just themselves, and not twist with our
own image. Otherwise, we love only the
reflection of ourselves we find in them...

If a relationship is truly meant for you,
your love will find a way to make it happen, and
the stars will be there to make sure it will stay...

-ORiN

Thoughtful?

Not that thoughtful that means caring, this time it's full of thoughts. Quite a bit happened to me this few weeks, so I still a bit shell shocked for a while then now starting to think liao. Maybe that's why my brain like heavy heavy de... Thinking too much stuff liao... Definitely going to spend the weekend at home and meditate a bit bahz. My dearies, pets and daerie all busy preparing for their exams and own stuff. So I am basically going to spend my weekend alone except for the week with Connection Camp. Haiz... Everyone's so busy...

Heard last night from Da Jie that her bf broke up with her. Haiz... Another broken relationship... What's worse? Da Jie may be giving me a niece or nephew come... So we think of the name last nite loh. She don't want surname so juz add a Junior to her name loh. Very westernized but I like coz it's my idea mah. Hope Da Jie won't be too xin ku...

Thoughts racing through my mind all the while today... Thinking of people I know, I like, I love, I miss... Blah blah blah... Too much to think about liao, head a bit heavy liao le...

dearie taiyang: Take carez and stay Yang Guang as always... Don't too stress yourself in your studies lah... *hugz*

dearie xinxin: Take carez of your health wor... If cannot tahan then take a break and have a good cry... *hugz*

dearie caihong: You are the happiest amongst my dearies at the moment so stay that way. Don't too stress over school work and take carez wor... *hugz*

daerie ris: Just want you to be xin fu, that's all... Take carez... *hugz*

petpet vickie: take carez and stay happy loh... *hugz*

petpet maria: hope your lump disappeared asap loh... take carez and please cheer up lah... *hugz*

da jie: Must jian chi xia qu with Jr. wor... Take carez of yourself... Actually, I don't mind having twins then maybe can have niece and nephew mah... *hugz*

those I missed out: send me a sms to let me know you are alive... then I will not leave u out mah...

A deep thought...

A thought just flashed through my mind... Should I bother daerie less and slowly drift out of her life? It's a weird thought but I'm a weird aquarian after all. Somehow, I felt that I will her of her past which I want her to forget. She found what's she looking for liao le so I should just let her enjoy it... I feel that though she won't drift out of my life, don't ask me why, I just know that... I got that feeling that I will eventually drift out of her life de... I know I sound kinda despair here but it's just a deep thought that came to me today. It just popped up in my mind...

I hope daerie don't get angry or what after looking at the post. I don't want her to feel like she's selfish or those stuff that always make her sad... I will still 默默地守着 even if I faded out of her life... Maybe it's because I just don't know what's called 放 下..

It's a moment of thought. I am not breaking down so please don't worry about me. You guys got more important things to attend to...

ORiNz

Usual and tired life...

Life's back to normal... Trying to bury the memories at the back of my brain. Someday will go in and dig them out and see but not now... hahaha! I took a few pictures this morning when I woke up, the sunrise was nice mah. Being totally unproductive at work lately... hahaha! Tml must do some research if not really can pei daerie for 1 more sem liao... I have to fake some excuse when my ITP end liao le but should be okay since the lecturers are all ben ben de... haha!

Mass sent smses to people close to me that I am alright le and oso informed Eggie of my break-up. As usual, the reaction is expected... Nvm... I just surf internet in the office a lot, do research on my web hosting business and chat with Daphne da jie loh... Then rearranged my gallery a bit by moving my scenary photos to a new albums. Then saw the hibicus photos I took then remembered that the hibicus downstairs are in full bloom again. They are bright pink and just plain nice. I don't really like red hibicus, they lack that aura of innocence. Today dedicate the hibicus to daerie and da jie loh... dearies don't angry, I try to come up with something else for you guys. Blue roses sound nice? hahaha!

Noticed since yesterday that the clouds and sky are veri clear with nice cloud formations. Seem like weekend going to take a couple of pics here and there liao le... I got so much to do yet I am so lazy to do them. Sianz... Time not enough wor! -_-"

Now feeling not too well maybe coz due to the lack of sleep over the weekend and lack of food during the build-up to the break-up and aftermath bah. I almost vomit things out when I started eating again. *toot* My stomach is quite weak after all but the intestinal infection is not acting up. Should be fine de lah... Head a bit heavy heavy, eyes a bit tired tired... My whole body like sleepy sleepy, tired tired de... I think I need a rest soon but it's only Monday. Sianz½...

I think today's long enough and please welcome a new member to this close-knitted ring of people, my luo han, Bloob bloob Vickie! She's more or less indirectly in my CSCC family since she became our bloob bloob. hahaha!

I do need rest... *Sigh*

ORiNzzz

Glad... Content... With A Bit Of Regrets...

Daerie found her 幸福 le... Think tonite I can sleep without thinking back anything bahz... Kinda glad, happy, excited and content though got a bit of regrets... Regret not meeting her earlier but all the best to her and Jasper...

I think I may still tear about the relationship once in a while but she's now someone I will 默默地守着 loh... One week spin and I am back at the same place though had some pretty good moments of my life. Thanks daerie, thanks dearies and thanks everyone... I exprienced something happy and sad and I can say: I won't regret... Never will... ^_^"

ORiNz...

默默地守着你...

That's what she told me on msn last night. We kinda sort things out le bah. We are still frenz maybe closer frenz coz of our history. Hopefully things will work out well with her and Jasper bah. Think it's more of 我在默默地守着 her instead of the other way round leh. She's quite a sha gua. haha!

She almost don't want to give me back the photo card. It was not that best shot but the memories is there bah so I think I need it bah. Why do I have tears well up in my eyes when I blog? I don't know... She said until patching is not very possible coz she don't want to hurt me again though she will have regrets. Maybe when she gets older, she will be sort out her thoughts then I can looking at the possibility le bah. I am fine with that, you are still my daerie. I will still hug u when I think u need one. Meanwhile go leng jin and ding xia your heart bah...

Yesterday went school with XiaoZhen, still a bit in the sianz sianz mode then sat out the meeting like a wooden block. Can't really concentrate and heng I am only photographer, just take pics can liao le. After that went Bugis with XiaoZhen, XueFeng, Lester and YuHong. Then I got into a frenzy, things keep reminding me of daerie... That blue handphone pouch, her ringing anklet, the plushie that we saw at Taka, the type of dog she think is cute and basically too many things liao le. Why they have to build shopping malls to be the same everywhere? *toot* them lah... Now I think I go Northpoint oso can be reminded of her wor...

Daerie say when I see her again, she might give me back the card coz she's keeping it together with our other cards in her *dont know what that thingy is called* file. At least she will see me now and then when she open up the envelope loh. I will see her now and then in my wallet de mah.

Saw that Jasper said 'She's mine!' but I can say 'She was mine' and that he can't do anything about wor. hahaha! Mine is in the past, history wor... He can't change it. Bleah~!~ I think he will freak out if he ever see this so daaerie don't luan lai wor. Kena beaten up in Somerset don't appeal to me much. haha!

I think that's all the bah, the tears oso stop liao le. I know I am oso quite sha gua and wu liao but I can say I do, still and will love her de... Maybe that's what unconditional love is about bahz...

ORiNz

存在...

The lyrics just sound so much like my relationship with her... Especially the last 2 lines...

你说着 我听着
像海浪打着 沙滩烧着
你的忧伤大于快乐 连彩虹都只剩下一种颜色

我听着 你说着
像刀子划的 隐隐痛着
就因为爱没有规则
所以心痛了死了回不去了

但是我存在着
我一直存在着
和你一起的照片仍在我的手机上贴着
爱会永远永远 你说的
离开我的时候 却没舍不得

我真的存在着
我一直存在着
不管是疯的气的我受着我紧紧手握着
傻傻的陪着守着证明你值得
但我会笑着因为一切都值得

一直存在着?

I don't know how to phrase it in a nice way so just get my message across... I am single again le... Reason? Unknown... Or should I say the reason given wasn't the reason at all. Maybe I think my 'telepathy' was still working but I can see from her eyes that the reason is not the reason. she just don't want me to think less of her perhaps.

I sent her home one last time though she wasn't keen on that idea. Didn't took back the neo-card we took on Monday but I kinda threw it back at all. I know I was silly and I regreted not taking that neo-card. I do want it to be part of my memories of her but my intinct seem to overruled that. Anyway, I got a bit emotional when HaoHao called so nearly broke down. She's so near yet so far... I don't know... Just went loitering at Marsiling until I cooled down a bit, faced a corner and called JingYing but she's at City Hall so I went back Yishun to find XiaoZhen.

Went back the playground of my childhood, been 7 years since I stepped onto it le but still as comfy as always. Tears still rush out, I would say. I did made the decision to love her as she is, I gave my all, I gave my heart, I do not regret loving her... Tears juz rolled down while I sms XiaoZhen that I reached le. She came down and I think I did look terrible. Shagged... Unshaven... Unkempt... Down and out...

Talked, cried and laughed with XiaoZhen until we left that playground. It's nice to be back at somewhere I am comfortable with... I got to play around with a young cat that is super guai. Maybe he knew that I was feeling down. After a while, we walked over to the playground near my block. It was a new playground so kinda unfamiliar with it. XiaoZhen made me a card though. Thanks wor, XiaoZhen...

JingYing came to Yishun, so we went to a place at the central. It's the town park but got a place that's on a small hill and overlook the road. I told them things that went through my mind and blah blah loh... Felt good with them around but after sending JingYing to the MRT and XiaoZhen home... I felt kinda lost... Juz reached home not long... Hope things will be fine with her, I know she's under more stress and pressure than me... JingYing said I was serious about her though it's only 5-6 days... I don't know how long I will get over her... A decision made is a decision made after all... She may think that she's not worth my love, but I still stay by my decision to love her with all I have, all I can coz she's worth every bit that I love her for. I love her for who she is and I accept who she was... I know I disappointed her with my actions but I love her still... Maybe when the day comes when I hear someone talking behind her back, I might just punch him in the nose...

For now... I do and still and will love her... It's dumb but it took me 7 years to stop the crush on XiuWei who did not even start with me... I think she might take longer than I can count to... She's still the one I first love, first held, first hugged and first kissed... She can try to make me forget her but maybe she already know that I won't...

It's not so easy to fang xia after all...

-Weeping Willow of ORiN...

Sleepless Night...

She did not blogged last nite, think she really hurt by me not trusting her enough. Daytime still can wear a mask but once reached my room, I just have no idea what to do. She need time to cool down so can only hope that she still look at my blog? I doubt so lah. I hurt her bad when I told myself that I won't let her get hurt.

Tossed and dreamt in bed last night. Nothing came except except flashback since I met her after I got my braces on. Maybe I can only explain myself here? Didn't exactly wanted to check on her in the first place but just went Baka's blog to see how he's getting over her. Then saw the entry that kinda freak me out a bit. Maybe I overreacted too much le but I thought I should be tell daerie the truth that I checked on her. She need to know that so we will have less conflicts in the future mah. But the fact that I didn't trusted her for a moment did not went down well...

There's reason why I always say don't qian jiu me so much. I know that you always 'you happy then I happy le' but that's not your own happiness. I want my daerie to have her own happiness...

XiaoZhen: Thanks for asking me if I want to go walk walk. It might help but I was waiting for her to reach home. Maybe when my mood is better than I go find u go walk walk bah...

Eunice: Thanks for coming to pei me at T18... Have to admit that I was trying to put up a brave front in front of you. My eyes are always looking out for her, that's why I can easily spot her from another building easily bah.

ORiN一直存在着...